The Perfect Valentines Gift

It's 1993. Our first Valentines Day.
I knew this was a critical one. Steph would use this as a gauge on how thoughtful a husband she really had (after 6 months of marriage, she was starting to realize a lamppost was less emotionally constipated than the guy she was stuck with.) Dang computer guys! Steph is close to her family, and I knew my acceptance into the family was in the balance.
Not to fear - I was on top of this one. I was considering my options:

• Lingerie - No, too risky. Someone would realize this was really a gift for me :)
• Jewelry - Always safe. Problem was we were just married with no money. I'd need to make it out of pipe cleaners.
• Clothes - Yeah, I had already messed this up at Christmas and didn't want a repeat. Get it too big she thinks you think she's fat. Too small and she tries it on a feels fat. Too conservative and she feels you see her as a grandma. Too edgy and she thinks you see her as a ho. Even if I get over these hurdles, I'm sure the color or style will be so last week.

Hmmm. It was in this state of confusion/stupor we find our hero and wife shopping at Target. We couldn't afford much so it was mostly window shopping. It was there, on aisle 14 - kitchen furnishings, that Steph dropped the comment that she's always wanted a spice rack. There it was! Out of nowhere! A ray of pure inspiration!
After a week of shopping, I found it. the KitchenAid SHR-457 Countertop Rotating Spice Rack - complete with spices!What a beauty! Holds 16 of the most commonly used spices! Ball-bearing, smooth rotating action! Clear spice containers for fast access by even the most demanding chief! All for only $17.67. Not since the Red-Rider BB gun had such a wonder of workmanship been fashioned!

Three days later, Valentine's Day, our young couple are entering the romantic and upscale restaurant, Olive Garden. I've left my gift for my lucky wife in the car (no reason to make the other husbands look bad.) During Diner, I'm completely gitty. Steph sees a nice older lady she knows sitting next to us. She's very friendly and has a twinkle in her eye that reminds me of Mrs Santa Claus.

Part way through the meal, Steph pulls out a little gift wrapped box. I'm excited and open it to find a very very nice watch. I mean way cool and just what I wanted. I smile up at Steph and that's when it hits me. A watch. That's a nice gift. That's a cool Valentine's gift. A spice-rack? Who the heck gives someone a spice rack for Valentine's?!?! I cursed that fateful day at Target. Why couldn't we have been on some other aisle ?!? Dang, might as well have gotten her a new set of radial tires!

That's when Mrs never-minds-her-own-business-daughter-of-Satan Claus asks, "How how nice. What did you get for Steph?" After 5 seconds I realized my laser eyes weren't going to make her burst into flames so I quip out some lame answer, "Oh, I left hers home".

After the meal, we got in the car. I broke down and explained everything to Steph. She smiled, insisted it was OK and that it would look great in the kitchen. It actually did look good there. I know, because that is where I slept that night. Alone.

Every year since then, I've gotten her a small kitchen goody in remembrance.

So, with Valentine's coming up again, if anyone has a better idea than a spice-rack for a gift I can get Steph, please let me know!