Yesterday, I was playing Legos with Chase, Conor, and Wyatt. Chase started building the opening scene from Indiana Jones (where the big rolling rock was). To represent the stones in the floor, that when stepped on, triggered a poison dart to fire, he place small dot Legos on the board and called them "Booty-Traps" :) Not sure if this is because they trigger when a boot steps on it, or because that's what it thought they were called (he also refers to ones rear-end as Bootius Maximus). What a crack up!
As a public service message, here are some everyday booty-traps to watch out for:
Diet Booty-Trap: Almond Joys, Twixs, and Reese's. Reese's are especially evil. They call out to me and I'm sure there's some mind-altering drug in there. Guaranteed to go right to your booty.
"Are you Listening to Me?!?!" Booty-Trap: Guys Only. If you find yourself driving in the car, dreaming of Reese's, and your wife suddenly gets quiet and gives you the evil eye, chances are, your booty is already halfway in this trap. Oh you try to rewind in your mind, but only a word or two from the conversation makes it to your mush-for-brains head. Here's a secret of mine that just might be your last hope for yanking your sorry behind out of this booty-trap.
Here's what you say: "I'm sorry (standard guy beginning), I was just trying to recall the name of a primary song".
This is a classic diversion technique. Instead of focusing on the fact that you weren't listening, she's now left to wonder why you're thinking of a primary song and if she has a right to be mad about it.
3 out of 5 times, this is enough to derail things and save you. However, a few crafty wives (and Steph is in this camp), will certainly be suspicious and may hit you with the dreaded follow-up question: "Which one?"
Be on your toes! Wait too long and she'll know it's not just the baby that stinks. To fast, and it will be rehearsed. Also, and this is key, you must pick a primary song that is of sufficient spiritual umph that she'll agree you focusing on it rather than her was OK.
Experience has shown that, "...I see my mother kneeling..." is a good answer.
"...in the sun he melted, melted, melted..." not so much.
Good luck!
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Booty-Traps!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Ah, Lance! You are going to be such an asset to Primary -- you already know the songs and when it's best to have which one in your mind. I'm still laughing.
Lance,you are the biggest dork. FIRST of all, you don't know ANY songs because you don't sing....except the snowman song...and popcorn popping...neither are good enough excuses to get you out of trouble.SECOND of all...you have given me SOOOO much grief about spending time on the blog, and NOW, it appears we have a mutiny on our hands..SOMEONE has COMPLETELY taken it over!!!I believe that is called hipocracy. Just accept the fact that your booty-ous maximus, will never wrench itself free from any of the said "Booty-traps" You set them yourself!!
this post was hilarious! i better not let joey read it or it will give him too many good ideas:) i catch him not listening to me in the car,house,wherever too many a time. the primary song idea is quite clever:)
Post a Comment