I hate Science Fair Projects!!!!...No, I Abhorr, Loathe, Detest, science fair projects. You spend weeks...or often times in our case...weekENDS...gathering data, making graphs, making up Hypothesis and then making up conclusions, then gluing them all over a board that is entirely too big for any of the papers you've printed showing your results, so you get more paper and more glue to mount said items on so that it looks bigger and that you've really knocked yourself out on the blasted "experiment", which you personally have, because your child fell asleep on the markers while you were working on it until two o'clock in the morning. THEN you try to load the ginormous board and any models you've made depicting the exact chemical make-up of a cat's hairball into your car, leaving a trail of parts and pieces all the way to the school. When you finally get it there and set it up, you sigh a sigh of relief, only for your child to get a pat on the head and a "participation" ribbon. A PARTICIPATION RIBBON?!? Crimony! I want a freakin' Nobel Prize for all of that work!!!...Or at least a nice gift card to Target!!! Then, after all of that, the teacher sends the mess home with them the next day....what the snot do you do with it then?!? You can't throw it away right off because your child has grown some distorted love and attachment to it, but it's so obnoxiously big that you have nowhere to put the offensive thing. So, you trip over it for two weeks because it has to sit out long enough for your child to be satisfied and then while they're gone to school you chuck it in the garbage--happy day!--until your child comes home and asks where it is, and you ask them, "What? It's not there?"...this works about two times, then you have to confess that you threw it away because you "thought that they didn't want it anymore", and they start to cry and act like you threw away their only friend in the world.....SERIOUSLY!!...couldn't we just watch a "Bill Nye the Science Guy" video and call it good? I hate science fair projects. There are a million other things I'd rather do than a science fair project...but I will only share a few with you. SO, here is my top 12 things I'd rather do than a science fair project:
12.Slam my fingers in the car door repeatedly.
11.Lay in the road and play speed bump.
10.Run.
9.Drop cinder blocks on my toes.
8.Put hand soap in my eyes on purpose.
7.Fall into a fire ant mound.
6.Drink a battery acid and arsenic cocktail.
5.Sniff pepper spray and get a Cayenne pepper enema.
4.Get stung by a jellyfish and eat sand.
3.Light my hair on fire and walk on hot tar with bare feet.
2.Shove a ball point pen through my eardrum and puncture my brain a little.
And the number 1 thing I'd rather do instead of a science fair project is:
1.Crush glass with my bare hands and grind it into my eyes.
With five kids, there's a good chance i will be doing these things and buying other peoples projects on ebay.....
Friday, December 7, 2007
Science Fair.....Thbfft!
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11 comments:
So so so FUNNY!! I was crying! If you need some extra cash, you should try stand-up!! Too funny!!!
Oh, I hear you. Interestingly enough -- I saw the sign up at Mills when I drove by today and really did heave a huge sigh of relief that Science Fair projects are NOT in my world anymore. And if they happen to reappear, it will be in Mark's hands, not mine. He's the science guy in the family. Yuk!! I hate them.
I second, third, and fourth the hate of science fair projects...luckily Riley is done with 'em, and Nicole has a few years before she is required to be involved. Save yours for her. I'll pay you for them with a Target gift card!
I think buying your science fair projects is a good teaching tool. Afterall, in real life, we have to learn to manage our time and sometimes deligate tasks that we can not complete. Is this cheating? I am not looking forward to these days.
hee hee, you are killing me. i am NOT looking forward to my kids entering school. at all.
That was so funny! Thanks for some good laughs! I haven't done a science fair project but we did do a family tree and that was such a pain! Thanks for the ideas on what to do instead of a science fair project!!!
ok so that was hillarious..I should quit reading your blog with makeup on because I spend an hour afterwards with stinging eyes (from all the laughing that makes me cry)filled with mascara. Very very funny and I'm sure I have all of this to look forward to when Adam gets a little older!
Hi Stephanie-I just had to comment on your cute blog. I'm Kellie's sis-in-law, I married Bret! We live in FloMo TX and we've been to ICE at the Gaylord and loved it! I also loved your Rudy's blog. We LOVE that place! We always take out of towners there to experience the creamed corn we all thought we hated growing up! I also have a Chase, so we have alot in common! Feel free to check us out at our blog!
You are a great mom for doing what you do. Since it does not fit into your deco style, you should try to sell it on Ebay. Maybe recoup some of the money that you saved Lance!!
LOL-those were hilarious!!! i haven't had to do science fair with my kids yet, but i dread it. it seems like i was just doing them with my poor mom yesterday! she hated it as much as me, if not more.
Steph- I have to totally agree with you and I was a teacher and had to grade the science fair projects one year! I also remember staying up one year with my brother who had to have a project done the next day and hadn't told anyone until that night. My mom asked Chad and I to help bail him out. We were up way late that night. I doubt my kids will be that lucky.
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