A Merry Martha Christmas!

I got this from my friend Natalie...I thought it was so amazing to find out there's someone else out there that does the EXACT SAME things I do at Christmas time!!!

December 1: Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.
December 2: Have Mormon Tabernacle choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.
December 3: Using candlewick and hand-gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine tails. Flog gardener.
December 4: Repaint Sistine chapel ceiling in ecru with mocha trim.
December 5: Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.
December 6: Fax family Christmas newsletter to Pulitzer committee for consideration. December 7: Debug Windows.
December 8: Decorate homegrown Christmas tree with scented candles handmade with beeswax from my backyard bee colony.
December 9: Record own Christmas album complete with 4 part harmony and all instrument accompaniment performed by myself. Mail to all my friends and loved ones.
December 10: Align carpets to adjust for curvature of Earth.
December 11: Lay Faberge egg.
December 12: Erect ice skating rink in front yard using spring water I bottled myself. Open for neighborhood children's use. Create festive mood by hand-making snow and playing my Christmas album.
December 13: Collect dentures. They make excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts.
December 14: Install plumbing in gingerbread house.
December 15: Replace air in mini-van tires with Glade "holiday scents" in case tires are shot out at mall.
December 17: Child proof the Christmas tree with garland of razor wire.
December 19: Adjust legs of chairs so each Christmas dinner guest will be same height when sitting at his or her assigned seat.
December 20: Dip sheep and cows in egg whites and roll in confectioner's sugar to add a festive sparkle to the pasture.
December 21: Drain city reservoir; refill with mulled cider, orange slices and cinnamon sticks.
December 22: Float votive candles in toilet tank.
December 23: Seed clouds for white Christmas.
December 24: Do my annual good deed. Go to several stores. Be seen engaged in last minute Christmas shopping, thus making many people feel less inadequate than they really are. December 25: Ready a color-coordinated manger scented with homemade potpourri.
December 26: Organize spice racks by genus and phylum.
December 28: Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble.
December 29: Release flock of white doves, each individually decorated with olive branches, to signify desire for world peace.
December 31: New Year's Eve! Give staff their resolutions. Call a friend in each> > time zone of the world as the clock strikes midnight in that country.