So...

So... SNL hasn't had anything particularly great
the last several years...until now!
Penelope is one of those people we have all
known--"the one-up-ers". Penelope's character
is played by Kristen Wiig and she's hilarious!
Enjoy!



Soo... I hope you all enjoyed that on my blog,
because I have the best blog in the world,
soo...I invented blogs, soo...I was pregnant
with my blog and gave birth to it in the baby
blog hospital, soo...I know more about blogs
than anybody else,soo...The president always
calls me to ask me questions about blogs,
soo...Actually, people from all over the world
comment on my blog,so...mine's more popular
than yours probably, so....

Hey Kettle, you're black!

Just got back from a trip. On one flight, While still at the gate, I started munching on a bag of almonds I brought. They had some kind of powered coating (ricin?, Sudafed?), but tasted great and and finished the bag off and put on the iPod.
The flight attendant then closed the door. The flight was only about 50% full. I then saw a rather portly, less attractive guy get up and start talking to the girl in the row behind me. Not sure if he was making his move, a co-working, or what, but he clearly was trying to convince her to come sit in an empty chair by him and she didn't look too excited. Hmm, no wonder. The slob had a dumb t-shirt on and had clearly spilled a few drops of breakfast on it. What a loser. Eventually, she did go sit on the same row with the guy.
I was still smiling at how dumb the guy looked with food stains on his shirt. I was kind of wondering why nobody moved to sit on my row. The entire row was empty except for me. I then looked down at my own shirt. Covered, I mean COVERED in white powder from the almonds. It looked like a flour bomb had gone off on my chest. I'm sure I had an equal amount on my face. Hmm, maybe if I opened my laptop I'd look more attractive...

- Black Pot

Stake Out!

Back in December, we bought 2 acres...
We have since been drawing up house plans,
finalizing blue prints, figuring out construction
loans, etc....


















See those orange stakes? That means progress!!!
Those are the result of our labors with
our builders Sat. morning.We went to our
property and staked out where the house
and garage, and driveway were going to be!
















Here's Lance standing in his "garage"
















And here they are staking out the "kitchen"















These are the Architect's initial renderings..










Of course we've made a couple of changes,
and are still fine tuning what we want the outside
to look like...but this gives you a general idea...
It's going to be a Mediterranean style house
complete with tile roof and iron verandas....

In 2 weeks, they will begin clearing and grading
and leveling the front acre...there's still much
to do before we begin construction, but we're
moving along!

We're hoping to avoid problems like these....



















Wrought Iron verandas?
Love 'em....but I prefer
the top one to the bottom..
















...and I'm hoping our stairs actually
lead to, well...upstairs!

















...if the grader knows what he's doing,
we won't have to worry about having
a driveway of death!...seriously....
how can that even be legal?


















..and although this would be MUCH cheaper to build,
I'd really rather live in a full-size house...

In any case, we are planning on putting
our house on the market in June or July...
Lance says we'll be ready by June....
but I know better! :)

Anyone want to move to Austin? :)

Blue Fish, Red Fish, ...When Will it be Dead Fish?

Wyatt is learning about ocean animals in pre-school.
By pre-school, I mean the group of us gals in the ward
who are rotating being the "teacher".
The teacher he is going to now always does a great job!
She always has the kids doing creative crafts and
baking yummy things....she's great!
However, like I said, they are studying ocean animals
and what does Wyatt come home with yesterday?



















Meet, "Mickey Mouse"...the fish.
Seriously.
Since when did Betas become ocean animals.
This was quite a surprise....my friend says,
"I hope this is alright!"
What?!?!?!
It's a LIVE animal!!!!
I guess it could have
been worse,...they could have been
studying snakes...or spiders...or rats...















Anyway, who could say no to a face like that?















When we got home he knew just the spot for "Mickey Mouse"
(why did he choose this name?...probably because
his little friend named hers Minnie Mouse....)
At school, while they were assembling the fish bowls,
he reached in and took the fish out
and placed it on the table...his teacher looked over to
see the poor thing flopping about and kindly reminded
the kids that fish will die out of the water!
So now anyone that goes near his fish, he says,
"Don't take it out!!!...It will die!!!"















He keeps a close eye on it...I'm sure
this doesn't scare the fish at all...

Of course, when Chase and Conor got home,
they convinced Wyatt that his fish is lonely and
needs "friends"...thus, the Lego guys...






























I don't know how long the little guy will last,
or if he'll get along with his roommates...but
I guess we'll see....

Move over Martha...

Check out how domesticated I am.

Last year I plucked a bunch of strawberry

seeds out of the berries that I grew in my garden.

Then, I planted them in Feb. so they would be ready

to harvest now (we can plant 2 times a year here...)

THEN. I went out and picked all the strawberries I grew,

washed them, cut them up, smashed them, then made

Freezer jam with them today!!!

Impressive, no?!?!?

No would be the correct answer, cuz that was all

a lie. What really happened is, I dropped Wyatt off

at a friends this morning while I went to the Dr.

When I went back to pick him up, my friend Kris said

"Hey, Val is coming over to make jam! We've got all the

Stuff...you wanna make some too?"

I said, "Uh...OK."

And Voila!! I have 10 jars of freezer jam!

Actually it was really easy--esp. with 3 of

us working together! We just followed the recipe

that came in the pectin box...no sweat!

Now I can send Lance home teaching

with something like this..and his families

will think,"My!!! What a domesticated,

pioneer-of-a-wife you've got there!"

Martha and I are actually quite close...

Here's an excerpt from a discussion we had once....

Martha Stewart vs Me

1)Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the
bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of
the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on
the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.

2)Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your
pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get
perfectly shaped pancakes every time.

My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the
microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting
them out of the plastic bag.

3)Martha's way : To keep potatoes from budding, place
an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it
in the pantry for up to a year.

4)Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking,
add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.

My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to
take the shells off anyway?

5)Martha's way: To easily remove burnt-on food from
your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap
and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to
a boil on stovetop.

My way: Eat at Chili's every night and avoid cooking.

6)Martha's way: Spray your Tupperware with nonstick
cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces
and there won't be any stains.

My way: Feed your garbage disposal and there won't be
any leftovers.

7)Martha's way: When a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead
and there won't be any white mess on the outside of
the cake.

My way: Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for
you.

8)Martha's way : Wrap celery in aluminum foil when
putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for
weeks.

My way: Celery? Never heard of the stuff.

9)Martha's way : Brush some beaten egg white over pie
crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy
finish.

My way: The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not
include brushing egg whites over the crust and so I
don't do it.

10)Martha's way : Place a slice of apple in hardened
brown sugar to soften it.

My Way: Brown sugar is supposed to be "soft"?

11)Martha's way : Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut
it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing
will go away.

My way: Martha, dear, the only reason this works is
because you can't rub a lime on your forehead without
getting lime juice in your eye, and then the problem
isn't the headache anymore, it is because you are now
blind.

12)Martha's way : If you have a problem opening jars:
Try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non
slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

My way: Go ask the very cute neighbor to do it.

13)Martha's way : Potatoes will take food stains off
your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the
stains and rinse with water.

My way: Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the
anti-bacterial soap in the handy dispenser next to my
sink.

14)Martha's way : Now look what you can do with Alka
Seltzer.
* Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets,
wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid
and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
* Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of
a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two
Alka-Seltzer tablets.
* Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into
a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two
minutes.
* Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water,
drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an
hour (or longer, if necessary).

My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the
toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a
whole bunch of problems at once.

Ahhhhh, Martha and me....good times...