Dear stupid puppy,
You are a master of deceit. You act all cute and cuddly when we are looking, but when we're not, you vandalize your mommy's house with poop and pee puddles. This is not ok stupid puppy. Is that how you show gratitude for my feeding you? If feeding you, makes you poop in my house, then I'm just not going to feed you anymore. Also, why is it that you understand commands such as "sit" and "stay" but can't understand "COME HERE!" In fact you run the opposite direction. Perhaps they have opposite days in the dog world, but not at my house. It's not OK stupid puppy. When I say "COME HERE" you'd better come, or else I am going to want to kick you, then you will be a hungry puppy with broken ribs. Is that what you want stupid puppy? I don't either.
So, to review:
1) Don't vandalize mommy's house with poop or pee or no more food for you.
2) When I say "COME HERE!" you better high-tail it straight to me or whoever else in the family says this to you. This means no more making Conor chase you all the way to the neighbors house in bare feet (even though mom told him to wear shoes---but that's another matter...)
3) Failure to comply with these simple rules will result in your own starvation and most likely a visit to the vet to get your "package" removed...it's your choice.
So stupid puppy--you just think about that.
You are a master of deceit. You act all cute and cuddly when we are looking, but when we're not, you vandalize your mommy's house with poop and pee puddles. This is not ok stupid puppy. Is that how you show gratitude for my feeding you? If feeding you, makes you poop in my house, then I'm just not going to feed you anymore. Also, why is it that you understand commands such as "sit" and "stay" but can't understand "COME HERE!" In fact you run the opposite direction. Perhaps they have opposite days in the dog world, but not at my house. It's not OK stupid puppy. When I say "COME HERE" you'd better come, or else I am going to want to kick you, then you will be a hungry puppy with broken ribs. Is that what you want stupid puppy? I don't either.
So, to review:
1) Don't vandalize mommy's house with poop or pee or no more food for you.
2) When I say "COME HERE!" you better high-tail it straight to me or whoever else in the family says this to you. This means no more making Conor chase you all the way to the neighbors house in bare feet (even though mom told him to wear shoes---but that's another matter...)
3) Failure to comply with these simple rules will result in your own starvation and most likely a visit to the vet to get your "package" removed...it's your choice.
So stupid puppy--you just think about that.
3 comments:
Our chocolate lab is 9 years old. She only had one accident (she was very, very sick) when she was 3. We kennel trained her for her first year. It is amazing. We also chose Maggie because she wasn't an ALPHA dog. Really important in the whole pee/poop thing:) Kennel training is like having an infant for the first 6 months or so - yes you have to get up once or twice a night to let her out - luckily, we got Maggie well before I was preggers with Jack.
Try it - they will never pee/poop where they sleep - I promise - and if you are feeling sorry for your pup - just don't. Just think of it like you are teaching them something that will benefit your pup for the rest of her life (and your entire family!)
IF your dog is an Alpha - email me - I have a few remedies for that as well - good luck:)
You tell him girl-Stick to your guns!!!! Good luck!!
I really hope you are joking about kicking your puppy??
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