My good friend sent me this--It made me laugh out loud...but then I cried because it's true...I need to remember not to leave the new puppy in the car.
*warning-language*
Subject: Texas Heat*warning-language*
Dear Diary
Just moved to Texas ! Now this is a state that
knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy
evenings. It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I
love it here..
June 14th:
Really heating up. Got to 100
today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive
an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday
like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.
June 30th:
Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of
cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn
for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.
July 10th:
The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How
do people get used to this kind of heat? At least, it's
kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking
longer than I expected.
July 15th:
Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of
my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like
this.
July 20th:
I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the
car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot
car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up
to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water
balloon. The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits. I
learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol'
Mr. Sun strikes again.
July 25th:
The wind sucks. It feels
like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The
home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged
$200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order
parts.
July 30th:
Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights
now, $225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Lomita is the
lucky one. Why did I ever come here?
Aug. 4th:
It's 115 degrees.
Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and
gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid
state.
Aug. 8th:
If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough
for you today?' I'm going to strangle him..... Damn heat. By the
time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are
soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!
Aug. 9th:
Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and
when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on
fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh
and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car
smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.
Aug 10th:
The weather report might as well be a damn recording.
Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny..... Hot and sunny. It's been too
hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it
might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn
state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of
cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in
this damn heat.
Aug. 14th:
Welcome
to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.
Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car.
The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot
enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail
me out of jail. Freaking Texas . What kind of a sick
demented idiot would want to live here??
Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.
7 comments:
Steph, your blog is my guilty pleasure....I always laugh at your awesome posts! What can I say, you're simply too HOTT for words :)
Hilarious. This applies to me these days too! Good thing I don't like cats in the first place.
HILARIOUS!! I served my mission in Texas and I can completely appreciate those statements!! Luckily the missionaries don't have to worry about cats!:)
Hahaha!! I totally remember going through similar stages. The nice thing was that we had just moved from Brooklyn where it was even hotter, more humid, and no one had central air or a car. So TX didn't seem too bad. Now even UT seems too hot to me!
My sister's kid left their dog in the car overnight in AZ. Let's just say that pretty much the same thing happened as to the cat. Nasty. Poor dog, it was probably the worst way ever to die. Be careful with that mutt of yours!
Hey hot stuff! I miss you! We need to get together SOON! we need a hacking fix. Hope you are having a super summer. We sure had a great time in Utah.
That is funny!
LOL!! of course the only thing missing from that is any mention of the humidity and the fact that ever time I so much as set foot or even FLY over texas I get the worst sinus infection EVER!!
Oh my, THANK YOU for the laugh of the day. That was the best. I need to send it to my sister and replace TX with Arizona! :)
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