Stupid puppy,
Notice I didn't start our this letter with "dear" this time. There's a reason for that. There is nothing "Dear" about you. Although Chase would beg to differ. Be grateful you have allies stupid puppy....stick close to them.
Now. I realize you are young. BUT. Are you really that stupid? Because your behavior would lead me to believe that you are. WHY oh WHY do you still have "accidents" in my house? I was VERY disappointed to find out that if I stop feeding you , I'll get in some kind of trouble with the law and animal rights activists. I now have to think up a new plan to stop this nonsense. You whine to get out of your kennel ALL the time. So what do I do? I let you out. I take you outside to go potty, and when you do, I make a BIG deal out of it. Parades, fireworks, the whole bit. So explain to me why then, when we come back into the house, you still go potty on my floor?
I hate you when you do that.
And speaking of whining.
When daddy and Lauren get up at 5:30am to go to Seminary, this DOES NOT mean you need to get up too. They don't even let dogs go to seminary. It IS NOT your responsibility to wake up the rest of the family at this time. We still have another hour before we need to get up. If you thought it was your job to bark over and over again from 5:30 until 6:30...you were grossly misinformed. This will be your last warning about this stupid puppy. Because you know what? In two months I'm taking you to get your "package" removed...and guess what else they can remove if you don't shut your trap?...your barky box. And don't think I won't do it. THAT is not against the law.
I am leaving this weekend and I will not miss you. You had better be good for your babysitter Erika, or else I'll tell her to put you in a bag with rocks and take you for a swim at Town Lake.
You just think about that stupid puppy.
P.S. I'm getting pretty good with the bow and arrow.
Notice I didn't start our this letter with "dear" this time. There's a reason for that. There is nothing "Dear" about you. Although Chase would beg to differ. Be grateful you have allies stupid puppy....stick close to them.
Now. I realize you are young. BUT. Are you really that stupid? Because your behavior would lead me to believe that you are. WHY oh WHY do you still have "accidents" in my house? I was VERY disappointed to find out that if I stop feeding you , I'll get in some kind of trouble with the law and animal rights activists. I now have to think up a new plan to stop this nonsense. You whine to get out of your kennel ALL the time. So what do I do? I let you out. I take you outside to go potty, and when you do, I make a BIG deal out of it. Parades, fireworks, the whole bit. So explain to me why then, when we come back into the house, you still go potty on my floor?
I hate you when you do that.
And speaking of whining.
When daddy and Lauren get up at 5:30am to go to Seminary, this DOES NOT mean you need to get up too. They don't even let dogs go to seminary. It IS NOT your responsibility to wake up the rest of the family at this time. We still have another hour before we need to get up. If you thought it was your job to bark over and over again from 5:30 until 6:30...you were grossly misinformed. This will be your last warning about this stupid puppy. Because you know what? In two months I'm taking you to get your "package" removed...and guess what else they can remove if you don't shut your trap?...your barky box. And don't think I won't do it. THAT is not against the law.
I am leaving this weekend and I will not miss you. You had better be good for your babysitter Erika, or else I'll tell her to put you in a bag with rocks and take you for a swim at Town Lake.
You just think about that stupid puppy.
P.S. I'm getting pretty good with the bow and arrow.
8 comments:
It will get better and the puppy will become like another child - you will get made at it but you can't get rid of it :)
Oh Steph. I wish you would have consulted me first. I would have done my best to talk you out of it! I'm sure it will get better (says the girl whose family's only pet is a desert tortoise that hibernates six months of the year and who lives in a hole in the backyard). Good luck!
You are NOT alone, my dear! We have 2 cats, one for each girl. I hate them. They don't even approach me for scratches, they run out of the room when I come in. I'm never mean, but I do walk around saying "Oh, you are so cute from a distance, but I don't love you." Andy reminded me the other day that I've got about 8 more years of cleaning litter boxes before the girls leave home (and either take their cats or I find new homes for them) and I was SOOOOOO depressed by that thought! Who EVER decided to domesticate animals, anyway!?!
Be nice to that little puppy it really is innocent, I love my little puppy she is so good and never has accidents in my house, just be patience and they will get better. Mia is a angel just ask Bill.
I can promise you that it does get better! I have had 16 puppies and have trained them all except for one ( who still doesnt get it 7 yrs later) But they do get better are you kennel training him?
This is hilarious! Love your sense of humor.
One day you will look back at this & be so glad that you stuck it out!!! Our sweet Cosy was so near being taken right to the pound by Brandon & I begged & begged to just get him fixed & he has rarely had "accidents" since. Just let him find his favorite tree in the yard & you'll become best friends...: -)
poor dumb thing, i of course mean the puppy. dang that dog. bunnies don't bark or pee on my floor, but they DO eat their poo and he doesn't like to be walked on a leash or go chase after frisbees. it will get better. you could always get a puppy catheter or a colostomy bag? do they market those at petsmart?
Post a Comment